Scott looked at my tumblr today. I said i thought he had internet gfs.
I dont care
I didnt use his name and as far as anyone knows were nothing to eachother becayse that what he had deemed us to be.
There are pictures of me, his friends naked, his girl friends half naked, and ex girlfriends there two slots below mine.
Like were almost toutching in some cyber space hole.
He says hes worried about me because i say im going to be unhealthy to loose lbs.
If i can mannage.
Ive been eating like crazy, feeling ashamed of myself.
Im fat and staying there.
I threw up at work the other day.
It was the first time in a long time. Part of my just wanted to see if i could do it.
I could do it.
I had eaten …binged as is called
Called my lunch leftovers back from where they came more like.
I get so frustrated with everyone elses complacancy and my own need to match theirs. I want to skateboard off a bridge into a river and hit this head and never come up
This is what dying feels like people SAVE US
today is tuesday
i was drawing out a painting i want to do. dad comes home “what are you doing” he demands
i tell him im painting
he asks me if i made honor roll.i say no, but it is vacation starting tomorow.
he asks me if i did my homework. i say again that vacation starts tomorow. i have all of vacation.one more time he asks DID YOU MAKE HONOR ROLL?
"THATS NOT WHAT I ASKED"
"dad", "i see that you came home angry. im going to put beanie<dog> away and go to my room"
he yells, im not to go upstairs, where i repeat im going upstairs.he tells me to do the chore i was assigned.
i tune him out. he works, is miserable, then comes home and yells at us all.
i go upstairs and cry. im being reasonabl here.i can here him stamping up the stairs. he yells at Ben, and then at me. i dont do my share, and he has the right to be upset.
just because you have th right, doesnt mean you are right.
I havent caught you up to date in years. i am 18 in september to november of 2011 i was dating travis. he was abusve, and cheated on me. when he polled a gun on himself i tried to OD on various medicines i took 5 xanax and went unconcious he did things i choose not to remember and several hours later i woke up home i guess they drove me part way home and sent me the rest. i tried to die.
i was sent to rehab at a childrens hospital.vit became my home for a wile.i met a boy named tommy who i love like a little brother and i get encouragement thinking of him.
in the next hospital i met my roommate lily. wile we lived together she smashed her forehead into concreete and went into a concussed coma for several hours.
gaby, a crazy girl who immitated my former roommate , ended up in a diffrent hospital became my other new roommate. larry, the hippy stoner with percings everywhere and rasta everything was also an inspiration to me.his free spirited ideas led him on some crazy adventures. My release christmas eve eve was strained, but happy and hannah and i had become better friends than ever after she visited me in the hospital.
i have started dating this boy owen, hes independant and very loving.
we shall see